Bipolar disorder brings creativity to life in poetry

original works by
gsj
DBSA Middletown

Such senseless pain

deep, embedded pain

pain of emptiness

pain of lonliness

Pain of remembrance

pain of what once was

pain because it is gone

Such senseless pain

agonizing

pain within every cell

pain within all thought

pain which no one should bare

Such violent pain

violent

pain which peirced my soul

pain bringing weakness

defeated by pain

crippled by pain

brokrn heart

broken soul

Darkness brings pain

each day passing

getting shorter

becoming darker...

Such senseless pain

g/s/j
9-17-06

Demons in Darkness

Fear of the night, the darkness that surrounds my memories. images that never leave me, always lurking, waiting to attack.

If I had magical powers, I would return these images from where they began. Erase my mind, searching for peace, searching for freedom.

It is in the stillness that the demons lurk to devour. Awaiting to frighten me from within a calm lake....creating ripples of madness and pain, striking the clean, pure lake....delivering panic and fear. "Why won't you leave me alone?!" Nothing heard....ripples creating ripples.

I try to scream, but it cannot be heard. This is within my mind....where I am all alone, except for demons.

Torture, reliving the pain of yesterday. "NO! NO! This is not real, it is NOT REAL!"

Laughter....growling....giggling. No one to answer me, no one to rescue me! "Go away! " The laughter continues, now a chorus is heard. Whispering, ....what are they whispering about? Madness, pure madness consumes my consciousness.

Continual screaming, brings me back to my darkened room. It is so cold. I can see my breath. Rhaspy, shaky....now sobbing. Gasping for breath. Thoughts are reeling. Images flashing and running. Running from the light peeking in from the new born sun. Only then can I find peace....solitude....without ripples.

Fear rises within me, as I watch the new born sun lay to rest in the darkness which surrounds this nothingness. Fear, sweat....whispers...."we're back, my lady"....giggling, growling....they have me once more.

gsj

Sunshine to Sorrow

gsj

You Are

I was motivated to write this one while in the ER for my first Hospital Stay in the Behavioral Health Unit. Nothing like being out of control, yet knowing that someone else IS in control.

You are my shelter and my strength
why do I doubt that?
where is my faith and trust?
man has let me down
has caused me pain
but You are not man, You
are the great I Am
I don't feel worthy of Your love
I am a sinner, my faults
are many
and yet You promise me,
"I will forgive"
this Love I cannot comprehend
my fragile mind is blind
please forgive me
for my doubt and my shame
I run to Your open arms
they will always be my home
please, help me Lord
I am so weak
mind, body, spirit
broken and damaged
please help me, Lord
I pray

gsj
2/05/05

The Abyss

How low can I possibly feel?
Is there a lower low than this?
Why do I keep hurting myself?
When will I learn?

These stripes I will carry
for the rest of my days
a constant reminder
of my guilt, my shame

Oh my God above
please help me now
bring me up from this low place
lift me to Your Throne

This abyss I am trapped in
there seems no way out
please show me the way
the path to my safety

Everytime I do this
I not only hurt myself
I hurt all those around me
which causes me pain

One huge viscious cycle
pain, guilt, shame
the abyss

gsj
4/11/05

The Mind of Sadness

Agony, pain, suffering -- what is real -- deep shadows, colors of grey
mute, silence, no peace
all is a blur -- vision is distorted -- lies, more lies, surrender
a flower blooms, so far away, unreachable, fading into distance, deep, deeper
still -- no air -- no wind
stillness, yet madness -- unsettling images, fear, terror, waiting, waiting -- to see the end -- waiting, time, sleeping
a portrait, love and happiness, but blinded -- torn away
evil dwells here -- feel it, surrounding, devouring -- seeing only emptiness -- wanting to be filled -- lonliness, sinking, hunted, kill
time, no movement -- only stillness, slow motion, very
s l o w
waiting to see the end
vision, restored -- fresh air -- standing tall -- song of birds, spring showers -- morning light

gsj
12/11/05

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